I spent my weekend in my hometown of Coshocton. It was such a vast mix of emotions, and I'm not even talking about just the funeral. Seeing old friends as well as people I'd never gotten along with - some wounds healed by time and some conjured up at the mere sight of them. God, give me the grace to forgive and the strength to forget. I was filled with joy at the resurrection of my teacher and friend, Mary, but I also ached with the pain of missing someone so cherished. Last week was difficult; at school I was so busy and distracted. Then, I went home and all of the memories surfaced. I was a wreck. Ha. But it was wonderful to be surrounded by friends and family for 48 hours.
Now, I'm back at school. Not totally excited about that fact yet. I confuse myself. At times, I'm so independent and adventurous. Other times, I want nothing more than to be at home with the people I've known and the things I've always done. Strange, I know.
So here, sitting at my Bethel-appointed desk, I'm praying for healing. Healing of the hurt I'm feeling as others seem "too busy" for me. Healing of the pain that comes from longing to spend more time with the people I love. But most of all, I'm praying for God to make Himself real to me in a way I've never experienced. And I'm praying for trust. He's got it all under control.